while laying in silent stillness, i sensed a message. the urge to simplify. to move to our home in the mountains and live harmoniously with the earth. this is a message that i've sensed during meditations for two years, and still it surprises me to received it. probably b/c i'm not ready to do it. not ready to forget the stuff. forget the schedules. forget the silliness. forget the social. just live. and yes, life is still pretty amazing when all of those testy "s" words are swept away. but i forget that a lot of times.
so flash back to my real life on the yoga mat, i offered gratitude for a lovely, strengthening morning of yoga and when the time was right, i rolled up my mat and shuffled out the door, seriously contemplating leaving the 'burbs and living an earthier life in the country.
easier said than done, right? b/c my husband has a job and i have friends and my kids have their respective routines... is it possible to just drop this life and retreat to the mountains? forget the things that seem to define us and try to start anew? hmmmm...
i continued to ponder while running a couple of errands. first i grabbed those bananas at whole foods then trotted across the street to the pharmacy to pick up prescriptions. there i ran into my dear friend JS, upon whom i immediately shared my most recent spirity initiative to move to the country, start a farm and live off the land. she suggested i first read a book called "the bucolic plague" about a couple who ditched manhattan for a farm in upstate new york and ended up with a reality series called "fabulous beekman boys". (i realized immediately that she was just the person i was supposed to see and thanked the universe for placing me in her path this morning. i ordered the book and will tell you if we've got the chops for farm life in a few weeks.)
came home and started exploring the idea of farm life (for the hundredth time) with hubby and he said (for the hundredth time), "no way." i started telling him about my meditations and how i always feel this pull to simplify and move north. he suggested maybe it's more important for me to remain here, b/c there are lots of opportunities for me to be conscious right in winchester. he thinks there's got to be something i can do without having to overhaul my (our) life. so we took the focus off of moving and transferred it to simplification. how can we simplify? is it about buying things or lifestyle? habits? time? what?
really, it's about all that. but for me, especially over the past few years and especially following my mediation this morning, it was about waste. about the accumulation of waste on the earth. about the unrelenting heaps of packaging and leftovers and shit that are festering in every home, every town, every city around the world. chipped dishes, torn tires, plastic bags, crumpled green easter grass, broken picture frames, old shoes, outdated TVs, outgrown carseats... the list is unending. waste is really a bi-product of our complex, complicated, not-simple-at-all egos. our egos say, "i want that! i need that! that whatchamacallit is so ME! if i sell these i'll be rich! those things will make me happy!" it's a travesty, really, the things we create and buy and destroy for the sake of comfort, amusement, marketing, convenience. we're really just creating a big mess.
example. this morning at the pharmacy, i was surveying the shelves in the seasonal aisle, stocked with cheap rubber games, plastic seasonal toys, junk food, painted knick-knacks, lots of nonsense. i thought about how many times i've bought this kind of crap... and i cringed. because every single thing that i've every purchased in this aisle, i've thrown away. it's horrific. maddening. and complicated.
after my pow-wow with hubby, i looked around my own house. looked at my kitchen table covered in cereal boxes and tiny yogurt containers. i looked in my pantry stocked with chips and cookies and pasta contained in brightly colored boxes and foil bags. i examined the kids' toys and the tennis balls and the coloring books and the dried out markers... all things that are fun for a few days, maybe even a few weeks, but will ultimately end up in a big stinking pile of rot.
and then i bawled my eyes out. (bless my husband for dealing with my search for inner peace.)
i cried the ugly cry because i realized that this internal struggle i'm battling is not really just about me and my personal search for enlightenment. it's about everyone. everything.
honestly, i'm not really psyched about being a human being these days. i don't like the evolutionary path we're on. this money-centric, faster-easier-bigger trip is starting to sicken me. i think that technology is really cool but it's not nearly as cool as the mother nature. she's paying a painful price for our human need to succeed. i can't see any way out. and that's what makes me want to barf.
but there's no sense in fighting against what is, at least not emotionally. my new mantra can be applied in any situation: "it is what it is. i am exactly where i'm supposed to be." in other words, don't fight it, it's all part of god's divine plan.
BUT. this doesn't mean that i need to forge forward in a way that is consistent with the present, especially when the present is yucky. if i can live this new moment consciously, and every moment after that, i am helping to redirect the evolutionary path for the entire human race (that drop that creates a ripple). and there's a big, fat, happy shiny movement of folks doing the same thing. this is inspiring, right?
if we don't change, if we stay on this ego-centric, money-zombie path, i wonder... in a thousand years when our skyscrapers are swallowed up by oceans and our nuclear power plants are buried under mountains, a new version of humans will pad the earth and find the remains of our civilization. what will they think? will they learn from our mistakes? will they share stories about the "age of technology" and say, "geez, those people were a bunch of short-sighted creatures. can you believe they tore down the rain forests so they could make tires? they built hand-held computers and self-cleaning ovens and louis vuitton suitcases and big hunks of metal that could fly through the air, but they couldn't figure out how to live in harmony with the earth. dumb fucks."
in every book i've read, there is a mention of an upcoming shift. this shift is necessary in order for the earth to regain its balance. unlike our broken furniture, dirty diapers and antiquated VCRs, the earth cannot be used up and thrown in a heap. in fact, the situation is very much the opposite. the earth is a living, breathing, intelligent organism. and when we humans have pushed her too far, she'll spit us out. and that's that.
the good news is, we're in a place where we can fix it. but if we are not conscious, we cannot change.
wouldn't it be nice if the story could be different? if we took what we needed and gave what we could, if we respected the animals and the plants, if we supported our neighbors instead of competing with them, if we worshiped god instead of movie stars, if we revered the earth more than the dollar?
the currency here on earth is money. we can use our money to communicate. use our money to improve the world. make earth-friendly choices when we make purchases. invest in companies that think consciously about packaging and marketing.
and then use our voices. if we see something that can be improved, speak up! example. this is such a small thing, but i was playing tennis last spring and noticed there was no recycling bin at the court. i asked vinny, the man who manages the courts, if he could set up a couple of bins and guess what? there are two recycling bins now! it's just a small change but when hundreds or, better yet, thousands of people use their voices and their wallets to make small improvements, you get a big fat shiny happy change.
writing today's blog has been very cathartic for me, as it usually is. it's funny, i usually start off with one particular feeling or intent. i squeeze my eyes shut and let my fingers fly across the keyboard for 30 minutes. by the end of the entry, i feel completely different from the way i did when i logged in. i wonder if you experience the same, be it through reading my stories or through your writing your own?
anyway. while typing the last paragraph, i had a full-circle moment. hubby spent the morning assuring me i had work to do here at home and that moving to new hampshire was not the answer. while i have confidence in my little voice and know that moving to new hampshire is a long-term arrangement i should be considering, i smiled when i recognized that the packer courts in winchetser may not have recycling bins right now if i lived in the country. again, something so small. but i guess i do have work to do here. and in this moment, i'm at peace with that.
peace, love, gratitude,
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