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Sunday, September 9, 2012

may i have your attention, please?

there are lots of "I's" in this message.  it's all about me and my ego.  i was going to create a "we" based message, but decided to keep my ego as the main character as a reminder to accept and love myself just the way i was created.  here goes...

i have a message.  it's a good one, i think.  a loving one.

and i have a unique audience, you, who tunes into everything old b/c you connect with me or b/c you like my stories.  being the recipient of your time and attention is a funny thing.  sometimes i worry about coming across as one of those "look-at-me" types, one of those ego-driven self-promoters that, to be honest, makes my skin crawl.

yes, yes, i know the line, "what other people think of me is none of my business," and, while it's true i cannot control others' perceptions about me, my humanness prevents me from completely detaching from the desire for acceptance and (gasp) attention.

it's true.  i respond to attention.  and while i feel the urge to be embarrassed about this admission, i work to suppress that urge and just be.  i am who i am; and so many of us share this same need to be stroked, rewarded, chosen.  and you know what?  it's okay to want that.  we are supposed to want that.  for most of us, it's built into the fabric of our destinies.

i do numerology for people all the time, and most charts contain a number 3 in them somewhere.  the 3 energy attracts attention, the 3 desires attention, the 3 thrives on attention...  and the human with the 3 is designed to seek it out.  as the great and powerful lady gaga once said, "you were born this way, baby."  so true.

instead of wrestling that urge to revel in an audience, i am working hard to make the best of it, use it to do my best to make this world a better place.  (this is when i say it's ok to share, post, tweet this blog. ;-)  since my life's purpose is rooted in the service of humanity, i choose to seek attention through philanthropic efforts and creative writing.

i want to collaborate with seekers like me (or people not like me but just happen to find me while they're googling a recipe for "uncle tony's new age chicken tacos").  i have found safe harbor in the delivery of honest messages rooted in a genuine desire to communicate a loving message, set apart from my need for acceptance and blogger stardom, but attached to it nonetheless.

it's a tricky balance, though, this whole attention thing.  be humble enough that people aren't turned off; be confident enough that people are turned on.  but this is my life's work, and there's no need to be shy about it.  so in the end, i have found that when i stop orchestrating my feelings and just do what's in my heart, do what comes naturally, i find happiness and success.

so even though i occasionally worry about being that self-promoting egoiste, i'll continue to post and tweet and email and youtube all of the tiny shifts and bu-curious moments i encounter on the path to awakening.  and i'll continue to feel grateful to you for joining me on the ride.

peace, love, gratitude,

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