moth

i left a coat outside overnight.  today i brought it back into the house and attempted to hang it up when a very large moth flew out at me, totally freaking me out.  i was gagging, squealing, gyrating, waving my hands around wildly...  all sorts of nonsense.  (honestly, i'm squirming now just writing about it.)  i can't help it.  certain bugs just gross me out.  i'm okay with worms and ants, but spiders and moths send me into a dither.  i don't want them touching me or invading my 18" personal bubble.  blahhhhh!

i hate to kill any living thing.  while mosquitoes, fruit flies, green heads and stink bugs must be stopped at all costs, there are lots of creepy crawlers that are worth stepping around on the sidewalk.  as much as i'm repelled by them, i trap house spiders in cups and toss them outside.  same for mice, bees, and even, on occasion, houseflies.

but when i'm caught off guard and in a frantic state of crazy, my first panicked reaction to an icky critter is total annihilation.  so this morning when i spotted the winged intruder nearby, i immediately tore off my flip-flop and was about to smash him into the wall when i got a good gander at my victim.  the thing's head was enormous.  like, huge.  and not entirely ugly.  i could see his eyes.  kind of peaceful looking.  his wings were brownish white with spots - mildly attractive, i mean, for a disgusting moth.  in my head i thought, this little guy has put a whole lot of time and effort into his life.  from larva to caterpillar to chrysalis to this mildly attractive butterfly knock-off.   at once i could see the miraculousness of his life.  who am i to end it?

as repulsed as i was by him, i just couldn't squash him.  i thought of what PG said yesterday in her story... we have the power, we are all saviors.  so i trapped him gently in a tissue, feeling him beat his wings desperately inside the paper all the way to the porch where i tossed the whole bundle of tissue and flapping insect into the sky.  then i ran back inside the house, slammed the door shut and gagged again.  

here is my plea to the universe:  i will do my best to not kill your nasty insects if you will kindly do your best to keep them out of my house.  and my car.  and my coats.  and away from me in general.  deal?

peace, love, gratitude,
v

that's a moth's face.  again, just looking at it makes me feel like something's crawling up my leg, but it's a very developed face.  i don't think i'd feel good about splattering it with a flip-flop.