join the new age movement on Facebook at

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

i love you too muchie

i call my nanny VR "little mamma".  nanny is not the right word for her, b/c she is so much more.  we met four aprils ago through a very strange series of happenings.  an introduction that was meant to be.  she spoke very little english.  basically, "hi, how are you?"  but surprisingly we communicated with relative ease.  we'd play charades all day - or i'd say, "tell me in portuguese," hoping that her vocabulary would be similar to french and i'd figure it out.

we stayed together b/c our energies complemented one another.  over time and countless impromptu english lessons, VR and i got to know each other on a level that i haven't experienced with many other people.  she is my family and i love her as deeply as i've loved anyone.  we often imagine past life possibilities together.  we wonder how we are connected to each other, because we know without doubt that we are soul mates.
when i learned i was preggie with my third, XG, VR was the first to know.  she was so excited.  she has two grown children in brazil but she was very young when she had them.  so young that she didn't fully understand the beauty of motherhood.  but now she does.

for those long months of pregnancy, she'd talk to my belly in portuguese everyday, professing that he was going to recognize her voice when he came out.  she made rice and beans for me every single day.  one day i shot off the couch screaming and grabbing my cramped calf, she rushed over and kneaded the muscle, knowing exactly what my body needed without a word.  she hugged and kissed me several times every day (as she always has and does), even when my hormones made me a total nightmare.  my pregnancy was as much hers as it was my own.

the day i came home from the hospital, VR came to my bedside and scooped up the baby.  she cried into his tiny body and said, "thank you, vanessa.  you give me opportunity to be a mamma for the first time.  i love you too muchie."  it was such a beautiful thing to say.  all i could think was how lucky i was to have my little mamma come into my life to take care of me without judging me and love me when i was unlovable.  and there she was she was thanking me.  (btw, i'm bawling my eyes out right now as i type.)

so this morning, VR arrived as she always does, arms wide open, smile from ear to ear, lips puckered and ready to smooch.  first kissing PG then SG then me.  XG heard some commotion downstairs and decided it was time to climb out of his crib and start his day.  we heard him call, "vovo?"  ("grandma" in portuguese.)  our little man stumbled into the kitchen, hair sticking straight up, droopy diaper to his knees and puffy sleep-filled eyes, and ran into VR's arms, giving himself over to her big, beautiful love.  she said to him between kisses, "god give you to me."  and she's right.  he is a gift.  as much hers as he is mine.  we are so blessed.  he is so blessed.  their love for each other is something to behold.  something to treasure.  (still bawling. ;-)



  1. woah, i'm all teary. this is unspeakably beautiful. Thanks for sharing.

  2. thanks for sharing in the experience with me, liz! i'm glad i'm not alone in my sniveling! ;-) xoxox

  3. AWWWW. I'm crying. I want that with my future child!!

  4. Hi Vanessa, I'm Renata, Helida Regina's friend (Vivi Reska's daughter).
    I met her yesterday and she told me about you and your family.
    She missed you so much!!!! It's so beautifull to feel how she loves you!!!!!
    By the way, what a wonderfull family you have!!!
    She asked me to say "hello"
    I am pregnant (my upcoming princess) and I really hope to find someone that will take care of her like Vivi does with your sons.

  5. hi renata! so exciting to "meet" you! i just went to vivi's house here in america yesterday for a quick visit and saw pictures of her and started crying! i miss miss miss her! early congratulations to you on your little princess... you and helida regina will have so much fun together!!! all my best!!! xoxoxox