I had a minor melt down the other night. My hubby and I were lying in bed and talking about the day, the typical series of small successes and failures. The conversation morphed into a review of life's critical choices and the bigger successes and failures that resulted. And suddenly I burst into tears.
"I had such high expectations for my life - I thought I was going to be somebody special. I thought I had a big bright shiny light inside me and now I'm starting to think that this whole time I've been wrong. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Boohoohoo..." (People keep telling me that with each Reiki attunement comes an energy shift that can really mess with my balance. I had 2 in 8 days so I'm hoping that's what's happening?)
Anyway. Just as the waterworks started really gushing, my little voice piped in and said, "Have faith. God has a plan for you." And just like that my tantrum screeched to a halt. I told hubby, "That was so weird, I just heard my little voice and I feel so much better." He's like, "Okay, Cybil. Glad you feel better."
So, yes, I had a brief moment of psychosis, but it served as a great reminder to me. As the great George Michael says, "You gotta have faith-a-faith-a-faith-aaaah." If my light is only meant to shine on my little family, that's okay. And if the Universe has something else in store for me, that's okay, too. God will use me the way I'm needed and that's the beauty of divine order. We all play an important part - even if the part is simply being a stay-at-home mom in suburbia. But if and when the Big Man Upstairs opens a door with my name on it, damn straight I'm gonna run right through it. :-)
There's a song that I love by Zac Brown Band (Who else? Can you tell I'm a little obsessed?) called Let It Go. It popped into my head while I was writing this...
Looking back now on my life I can't say I regret it
And all the places that I ended up not the way Ma woulda had it
But you only get once chance at life to leave your mark upon it
And when a pony he comes riding by you better set your sweet ass on it
You keep your heart above your head and you eyes wide open
So this world can't find a way to leave you cold
And know you're not the only ship out on the ocean
Save your strength for things that you can change
Forgive the ones you can't
You gotta let 'em go
Peace, Love, Gratitude,
p.s. If you want to see a bootleg of ZBB performing Let It Go scroll down to the next post.