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Thursday, February 17, 2011

wide open

in its first month, this blog has been read 3300+ times by people in 19 countries.  holy shit, this is crazy!  and scary! every day when i drag my mouse to the "publish post" button, my face turns red and for a split second, i feel like i want to barf.  who's reading this?  will people think i'm nuts?  does my story today even make sense???  

my goal is to deliver a message that is real and personal without being self-indulgent.  i don't have all the answers.  these are just ideas i've studied and applied and set in the context of my life.  a life which sometimes is really happy and others times sucks the big one.   

it is not easy to share my deepest thoughts.  i feel vulnerable.  wide open.  sometimes just plain crazy.  i am deliberately and actively leaving myself open to judgment and criticism, and trust me, i know it's out there.  but i choose not to focus on the negativity b/c the love and empathy that people return to me is palpable and overwhelmingly beautiful.      

when people reach out to me and say things like, "thank you, i really needed that today,"or, "you're helping me think more about my own spirituality," i am humbled.  and happy.  i don't collect a paycheck for this blog but i feel rich in CONNECTEDNESS.  and blessed to have these god-given gifts of openness and compassion to share.

so in the end i write this blog because i am deeply committed to YOU.  maybe you and i are friends.  maybe we only share shy smiles in the grocery store.  maybe we are exes.  maybe we've never met here on earth.  regardless of our personal relationship, if joining me on this journey provides you with moments of clarity, peace, laughter or self-acceptance, i am happy and it's worth the nausea.

with so much love for YOU,
a really old and unattractive pic of me pretending be on the verge of puking.  hopefully we share a "sick" sense of humor!

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